sigh... trying to live up to expectations??
anyways lets see ... Exam this thursday... obviously not looking forward to it
anyways got myself into a stupid argument with my parents today, and what was it.. ah yes Father wants me to spend what little remains of my summer working at a second job or something like that (at his factory)... sigh as if my summer wasn't already wasted freaking out and stressing over summer school (and my miserable marks)
anyways the thing that peeved me off i guess was how he was pressuring and forcing me into it without giving me time to think about it (not to mention i'm more interested in munching on the burger i had in my mouth at the time), and when i complained about him forcing me into it, he said he wasn't (but then he later tells me that he already told them that i would be going... what??) and all this time hes thrusting the employment papers into my hands expecting me to sign it so he could deliver it to work the next day (all the while i was trying to stuff food in my mouth..)
anyways later on when i went into a berserk stupid and childlike anger tantrum over how he was pressuring me into, it came up how i'm directing myself in University (course/program where it would lead me etc), and then he expressed dissatisfaction over my physique... (sigh i've heard you mention this a number of times, especially in the past few days... ) you know it just really doesn't boost my morale and give me much to be happy about... of course later on my mother comes aroudn to ask what happened that made me peeved and pout like a child...
OO that was very smart coming fromt he person that has the most dissatisfaction over me... (my hair, my clothes, my room, my SLOW eating habits etc etc) it really makes you wonder what parents expect out of you... my generic impression is that they want me to conform to the typical over achiveiving chinese kid, or at least smart (sorry that ain't me... I think all that went to my sisters...), and if that didn't work to fit into at least some sort of generic mode of a "what a normal person should be" (I'm too skinny, non active, slow eating, sloppy dressed, etc for their liking)
All i could say is that they're expecting too much out of me... i've said it plenty of times that my intelligence/school habits is sub par compared to everyone in University and it doens't help either that i have absolutely no goals of what to do with my future, so what i'm really doing is just bumbling along through a system that i wonder if it would even benefit me... anyways as such my feelings are that i'll prob end up with some low key job (that doesn't deal at all with anything i'm studying)... sigh...
anyways to answer the physique part... my father seems to want me to work on that (now that he finally realises that I WANT want little summer i have left for myself... after i went to hell and back over it...), so he now wants me to go work out or something... sigh... they want me to be big and strong etc... but then of course you know, thats something i'm not... heck in terms of weight and body size... I haven't changed much at all since my high school years (especially my two grade 12's, which by the way were my most physically active years in my opinion) and i'm still wearing the exact same clothes as i did back then (meaning my height has been stabilised, so don't say that i just stretched what little body mass i had over an elongated skeleton). The thing is i've only prob lost 3-4 lb's worth of weight ever since i went into Univeristy (and amazingly that freshmen 15 that everyone talks about was non-existent for me, as I LOST WEIGHT...). So the weight loss from my most inactive years (in Uni) and my most active years (final 2 years of HS) was very nil, and we all know i didn't get fat in those few years... as hey I"M STILL SKINNY... and anyways if we look at my family... me my eldest sister, and my father are all skinny... (so why why why must they believe that just by goign to the gym that i could become big and strong... has anyone ever though of genetics??... btw on this same line of thought my mom, and my 3rd sis have healthier weights then the prior mentioned... and i have no clue about my 2nd sister... Heck even my cousins made this comment at one point saying how my eldest sister doesn't belong in the family as she's too skinny, when they all complained about their weight... obviously because we take after our father...) but then of course that is something i'm quite certain they won't except it, after all they have an image of what they expect of me, or of what they want me to become, sadly all to which i'll most likely never achieve...
sigh don't you just love the pressure for you to be soemthing that you could never become
anyways got myself into a stupid argument with my parents today, and what was it.. ah yes Father wants me to spend what little remains of my summer working at a second job or something like that (at his factory)... sigh as if my summer wasn't already wasted freaking out and stressing over summer school (and my miserable marks)
anyways the thing that peeved me off i guess was how he was pressuring and forcing me into it without giving me time to think about it (not to mention i'm more interested in munching on the burger i had in my mouth at the time), and when i complained about him forcing me into it, he said he wasn't (but then he later tells me that he already told them that i would be going... what??) and all this time hes thrusting the employment papers into my hands expecting me to sign it so he could deliver it to work the next day (all the while i was trying to stuff food in my mouth..)
anyways later on when i went into a berserk stupid and childlike anger tantrum over how he was pressuring me into, it came up how i'm directing myself in University (course/program where it would lead me etc), and then he expressed dissatisfaction over my physique... (sigh i've heard you mention this a number of times, especially in the past few days... ) you know it just really doesn't boost my morale and give me much to be happy about... of course later on my mother comes aroudn to ask what happened that made me peeved and pout like a child...
OO that was very smart coming fromt he person that has the most dissatisfaction over me... (my hair, my clothes, my room, my SLOW eating habits etc etc) it really makes you wonder what parents expect out of you... my generic impression is that they want me to conform to the typical over achiveiving chinese kid, or at least smart (sorry that ain't me... I think all that went to my sisters...), and if that didn't work to fit into at least some sort of generic mode of a "what a normal person should be" (I'm too skinny, non active, slow eating, sloppy dressed, etc for their liking)
All i could say is that they're expecting too much out of me... i've said it plenty of times that my intelligence/school habits is sub par compared to everyone in University and it doens't help either that i have absolutely no goals of what to do with my future, so what i'm really doing is just bumbling along through a system that i wonder if it would even benefit me... anyways as such my feelings are that i'll prob end up with some low key job (that doesn't deal at all with anything i'm studying)... sigh...
anyways to answer the physique part... my father seems to want me to work on that (now that he finally realises that I WANT want little summer i have left for myself... after i went to hell and back over it...), so he now wants me to go work out or something... sigh... they want me to be big and strong etc... but then of course you know, thats something i'm not... heck in terms of weight and body size... I haven't changed much at all since my high school years (especially my two grade 12's, which by the way were my most physically active years in my opinion) and i'm still wearing the exact same clothes as i did back then (meaning my height has been stabilised, so don't say that i just stretched what little body mass i had over an elongated skeleton). The thing is i've only prob lost 3-4 lb's worth of weight ever since i went into Univeristy (and amazingly that freshmen 15 that everyone talks about was non-existent for me, as I LOST WEIGHT...). So the weight loss from my most inactive years (in Uni) and my most active years (final 2 years of HS) was very nil, and we all know i didn't get fat in those few years... as hey I"M STILL SKINNY... and anyways if we look at my family... me my eldest sister, and my father are all skinny... (so why why why must they believe that just by goign to the gym that i could become big and strong... has anyone ever though of genetics??... btw on this same line of thought my mom, and my 3rd sis have healthier weights then the prior mentioned... and i have no clue about my 2nd sister... Heck even my cousins made this comment at one point saying how my eldest sister doesn't belong in the family as she's too skinny, when they all complained about their weight... obviously because we take after our father...) but then of course that is something i'm quite certain they won't except it, after all they have an image of what they expect of me, or of what they want me to become, sadly all to which i'll most likely never achieve...
sigh don't you just love the pressure for you to be soemthing that you could never become
posted by dragonlord at 1:28 AM
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